Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
