I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
