it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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