"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
