The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
