Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
