dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
