Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
