sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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