So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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