i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
