you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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