We should be called the Road Head Warriors
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
