Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
