wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
