Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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