I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
