My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
