from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
