my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize