And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
