Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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