god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
