I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
