also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I touched a dick in church today
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
