Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
