i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
