i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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