Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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