Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
