bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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