I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
