I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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