if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
