Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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