I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
