I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
