You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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