He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
