I am in a vortex of obligation.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
