all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
