Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
