just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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