I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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