I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
