I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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