just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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