this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
