i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
