I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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