My balls are so social today.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
