I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
